So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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