Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
