we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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