Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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