the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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