I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
