You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
