if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
