half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
