You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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