T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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