so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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