I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
