I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
