Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
