Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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