Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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