I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
