Just fell off a train. Bad.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
