she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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