Midget sex pt 2 tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
