You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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