you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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