I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
