I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
