Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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