I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
