Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
