Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
