This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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