Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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