Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
