do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
