apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
