He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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