he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
