I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
