I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
