I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
