New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
