The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
