only if we run a train.
done.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
