His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
