If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont even know how to be here
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
