So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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