Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
