Soap is not a condiment
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
