We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
