Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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