M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
