he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
