your room smells of hookers.
And success
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
